'You know, it's pretty messed up… I was just swinging home the other night, I wasn't doing anything or nothing, and I see this guy a few trees away just staring at me. I look at him and he just carries on staring at me, like I'm the spawn of satan or something, for a good thirty, maybe forty seconds. He wasn't a big dude or anything, he just looked rough, fur all ruffled, weird look in his eyes. Anyway, eventually this guy comes up to me and we don't break eye contact at any point, it's getting weird, right, but I figure I gotta stand my ground, animal instinct and all, but he gets right up close, we're pretty much nose to nose and I can feel him breathing on me, but I still don't flinch. I don't want to make the first move, but it's starting to get ridiculous, I mean, I've got things to do. Slowly, he raises a boney, stalk like finger to his mouth, slides it in, real deep, staring at me all the while. He pulls it out, dribble falling off of it, his eyelids start quivering and he breathes heavy. He pulls it out and sticks it deep into my ear, deep enough that I'm worried my brain's gonna get pushed out and I can't do anything but just keep looking at him, my mouth open so far I think I'm gonna catch flies in it. Then he twists it once, twice, a third time and pulls it out. Closes his eyes, gently kisses me on the forehead, then swings off like a flash. Honestly, it's messed up.